The Scourge Project.

Well, it's been a while since I uploaded anything to the pain and suffering section of the site. Guess that had to change eventually. And you might be wondering why it is that I rarely put stuff in that section. It's because I don't like to post anything about games that I haven't actually beaten (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF FUCKING DARKSIDERS). But most of the games that I would normally toss into this forsaken section, are honestly so bad, so difficult, or so both of those factors, that they are almost impossible to really complete with sanity intact. So that said I'm going to forgo that condition and just get to the heart of the matter.

Looks like you've got yourself a pretty bad case of blood-crotch there bud.

The Scourge Project is bad. Really. Really. Really. Bad. And that's disappointing because on paper it sounds solid. It's a team based 3rd person cover shooter, intended to be played online with friends. You play the role of one of 4 mercenaries each with their own special ability, and you investigate the activity of a corrupt corporation. Standard stuff but it sounds like it would be hard to mess up right? HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh God.

So you start the game off being dropped outside of one of this corporations major facilities. You are given the most pathetic pea shooter of a gun ever conceived and are sent head long into battle. Here's where things go wrong! Aiming is nearly broken, remember the first Army of Two? Remember how hard it was to effectively aim your shots at first? Think of that times at least 2,000. You will spray wildly until you finally get locked onto your target, it's a little like the end of the night with your old lady but far less enjoyable and with bullets instead of... ahem, well anyways. The next issue rears its horrific misshapen head when it dawns on you that your enemies have far more health than you do, you might unload an entire clip into a bad guys head and he doesn't even twitch. Then a stray bullet clips your toe nail and you drop dead on the spot. But wait, what's that? You aren't dead? Your team could revive you? Well that doesn't sound too bad then! And so you watch as one by one your AI partners walk up to you with zero cover, lean down to revive you, and get fucking shot. If it weren't so frustrating, it would make a good Monty Python skit. One after another they will march forward and die. Even when there is only one enemy left, and they could easily dispatch him and revive you safely, they will do everything in their power to revive you immediately and your entire squad will cease fire because they all want to revive you at the same fucking time.

See the circle in the upper left? All the red things in there are enemies. Notice that my friend there isn't even close to in cover, And also please note the other asshole standing directly behind him doing nothing. Jesus.

You may be saying to yourself now, "why is this asshole bitching about friendly AI in a game that is intended to be played with multiple people?". Well shut up. I played this alone because I don't want to play online with anyone who would play this game for actual enjoyment, and I would never wish ownership of this game on my friends. I would even hesitate to send this to my worst enemy, but I'd prolly do it anyways. And honestly, just because your game is meant for multiplayer, doesn't mean you can just ignore the single player AI and say "meh! No one's gonna see that anyways!" I saw it you lazy assholes, I saw it. And the thing is, were it not for that horrendous AI and the inordinate difficulty combined, this might be a passable if extremely clunky and generic game. It would at least be playable for an afternoon of mindless fun. But those two factors are like a flood light drowning out the tiny half-burnt out incandescent bulbs that are the high points of this game.

Oh and did I mention the checkpoint system? It's a real hoot. I personally can't play a game unless it sends me back at least 15 minutes every time I get killed. And I love it even more when that 15 minutes is laced with painfully boring and completely unskippable (ITS A WORD NOW BITCH) cutscenes. This wasn't too much of a problem until I got to the first "boss" fight. Which was only difficult because the "boss" hid on the other end of the room and generic enemies spawn constantly until you kill him (often springing into existence directly behind you, from nowhere!). So anyways I got killed several times, and every time I got launched back to the beginning of that portion of the game, left to slog back through, and watch every god damned piece of shit cutscene over again.

Oh, the graphics are pretty ok I guess?


The Scourge Project is the property of it's respective owner. And I'm really sorry about that.
All else is ©Alex Jenkins 2011